Shut Up & Shut Down

I was young and this was a nightmare job.  Bosses stealing from each other.  Contracts written painstakingly to deceive customers.  Everyone had secrets, and no one was talking. One day my boss called me into his office and shut the door.  He asked me whether a key client I had been handling was going to sign a big contract. I told him I didn’t know.  He reached slowly into his desk drawer and pulled his hand out in the shape of a gun.  Pointing his finger at my head he said, “Bam you’re dead.  I used to keep a .38 in there.  I guess this is your lucky day.”  He wasn’t smiling. I quit the next day but that was after a year and a half of abuse.

What was my part in this story? How come I did nothing for so long? Well like the lobster who keeps adjusting to the raising temperature until its too late I couldn’t find my voice and say “that’s not acceptable.”

If I could have been my own coach I would suggest an elemental diagnosis as described in our book The Elements of Persuasion. I would have diagnosed the problem as a lack of earth. Next I would reflect on the physical sensations, emotional feelings and negative voices in my head occurring when confronting my boss. For instance one voice in my head was resigned and kept telling me “This is how bosses behave, so get used to it.” The more resigned I was the more my boss pushed and bullied me. By not speaking up I was telling him the non-verbal story that I was a pushover. I needed to put my roots down and realize that other opportunities would come my way. I could do better.

 My belief is that you don’t have to linger for years in bad situations. Have the confidence to tell a new story to your bully. Speak your mind. But first pay careful attention to your body, emotions and the voices in your head.

Comments

[Taobao]

* be happy together is good enough. I am not asking for things that I could never get.